The Strifes and the Wallaces Ep4: Mukki's Visit
by Fajita Cheetah
Summary: That's right, folks! It's your favorite zany almost-family! In this episode, Mukki comes to visit(well, duh, lame brain) and hilarity ensues! This series is originally written by my brother!
1. Enter the Gay man

Mukki's Visit  
  
A/N: All characters belong to Square, not me. This idea, though, is solely, mine, my brother(CloudStryfe), and my sister(ArtemisPanthar)'s. The theme song, Jenova's buttcrust, and all components of 'The Strifes and the Wallaces' are our property. All rights reserved. Over 10 billion served.  
  
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Theme song:  
  
The Strifes and the Wallaces, They live together, In their humble home, This is where their annoying neighbor, Sephiroth comes to roam, When they say, "GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!", Then, he cries, They all hope he runs off a cliff, And diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies! Yeah!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(It's just a normal day. In the living room, Cloud and Aeris are making out, Tifa is blatantly spying on them, Barret and Red are have a heated discussion on politics, and Sephiroth is dancing naked on the back lawn. It's just a normal day at the Strife/Wallace household.)  
  
Barret: But how could Star Wars be a metaphor for Nixon's presidential campaign?!  
  
Red: ARF ARF ARF ARF!!! RUFF RUFF! BARK!!!!  
  
Barret: Okay, geez, man. No need to get hostile about it!  
  
Red: (hangs head) arf....arf....ruff. *sniff* arf....  
  
Barret: (hugs Red) It's ok, buddy! I understand that people react differently to different situations. But there is absolutely NO way that Nixon's candidacy had any effect on Gore's running mate Lieberman's sexual performance on May 31st, 1999!  
  
Red: (perks up) ARF! Ruff ARFARFARF!!!!  
  
(The two continue to bicker.)  
  
Cloud: (making out with Aeris) MMPH!  
  
Aeris:(takes a breath) Oh Cloud!  
  
(Tifa is hanging from the ceiling on plunger shoes flashing a camera.)  
  
Tifa: (hanging close to Cloud and Aeris' heads) YEAH BABY! Work it, work it! You're a jungle cat, ROAR!!! UH-HUH!  
  
A+C: (looking up at Tifa) Um, what're you doing, Tifa?  
  
Tifa: (looks around) Oh no! I think they've spotted me! (jumps off the ceiling and does a pathetic excuse for a somersault. Crashes into the floor) HEY! What happened to my secret exit?! (Attempts again several times and finally breaks a whole in the floor, only to find it wasn't her lair[Read Lost Aeris to find out about her lair.]) WHOA!  
  
A+C: (shrug and continue to make out)  
  
Sephiroth: (is sitting down on the grass) I wonder if a pony has a butthole....(while pondering, the sprinklers turn on) *GASP* (hums "The Farmer in the Dell" and spins around like a ballerina.) Hot crossed buns! (runs into the sliding glass door)  
  
(In the living room, everyone is doing their thing when suddenly, the door swings forward. A dark shadowed figure(DSF) approaches. They all fall silent.)  
  
DSF: (gaily flings hands in the air) Hi everybody! Mukki's home!  
  
Tifa: (struggles out of the hole) I'm out--(love hearts fill eyes) Gay guy.....  
  
Cloud: (staring wide-eyed at Mukki in horror, then dramatic close-up) NO, NO,. (camera hits head) OW!!! NOOOOOO! 


	2. Get Your Umbrella!

Chapter 2: Get your Umbrella!  
  
  
  
(It's the next morning. Cloud and Aeris are sitting at the table opposite each other. Red is asleep on the floor.)  
  
Cloud: God! I can't stand him! He just sickens me!  
  
Aeris: Cloud! He's not half bad, you know. What'd he ever do to you?  
  
Cloud: (enraged) What'd he do to me? WHAT DID HE DO TO ME?! (calms down) Well, I'll tell you!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ (Cloud enters the Honey Bee Inn.)  
  
Hostess Bee: Poo, I..uh..mean sir...Hurry and choose a room.  
  
Cloud: Um...(walks up to the Group Room) I'll take this one.  
  
HB: Okay...Here's the key...  
  
Cloud: (grabs the key and walks into the room) Hmmm...Ooo, my own jacuzzi...  
  
Mukki: (whistles at Cloud) Boys, it looks like Daddy's found himself a new playmate!!!  
  
Cloud: (prays) Lord, I'm too young to be somebody's b*tch. Please SAVE ME!!!  
  
Mukki: (pinches Cloud's butt) I just LOOOOOVE a church boy! Heehee! Hey, Bubby, join us for a dip, won't you?  
  
Cloud: NOOOO!(Mukki drags Cloud in)  
  
Mukki: So, Bubby, you wanna join us in the cabins? (winks at his buds)  
  
Cloud: That sounds...um kinda like it's not my thing...  
  
Mukki: Oh, you're such a silly willy, Bubby. The hot water's probably clouding your mind! Count to ten!  
  
Cloud: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!(gets out and runs)  
  
Mukki: (shouting) Come back! Daddy's so lonely...lonely..lonely..lonely...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cloud: ....lonely...lonely...lonely..lone---  
  
Aeris: (slaps Cloud) All right...and?  
  
Cloud: (pulls out the bikini briefs) He gave me UNDERWEAR!!!!  
  
Aeris: (grabs the underwear and stuffs it away, looking horny) We'll save those for later. But please try your best to accept Mukki for who he is, m'kay?  
  
(Barret walks into the kitchen and roots through the fridge and finds the milk, all while Cloud and Aeris start kissing. Barret begins to drink from the carton.)  
  
Cloud: Okay...I guess he isn't THAT bad...  
  
(A drum starts playing and Mukki, wrapped in a towel, comes out.)  
  
Mukki: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four!  
  
("It's Raining Men" starts playing.)  
  
Mukki: (drops his towel to reveal his naked flesh) It's a- rainin' men! Amen! (Turns around to show his 'Tina Turner and Mr. Bojangles and their friend Willy to everybody. He jumps up and down.)  
  
Barret: (Milk spills from his mouth and the carton falls to the ground.) OH! MY VIRGIN EYES HAVE BEEN SOILED!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! OH, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!  
  
Red: (Wakes up and moans. Puts paws on eyes.)  
  
Tifa: (walks into the room) Hi g----Oh Lord! Why have I been blessed with the sight before me? (bows)  
  
(Cid bursts through the door.)  
  
Cid: (swings in) Hi g---Bye guys(swings out)  
  
Sephiroth: (walks in, looking confused) Um, hey guys, my butt feels soggy. (sees Mukki and joins him) What's a bean? ______________________________________________________________ _____________________  
  
Later...  
  
(Cloud and Aeris are, again, sitting at the table.)  
  
Cloud: (cringing) GOD! OH GOD!  
  
Aeris: Oh, it wasn't THAT bad!! In fact, I thought the choreography was pretty good!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mukki: It's a-rainin' men!! Yeah baby!  
  
Aeris: OH DEAR LORD!!! !@#$%$!#@#@#@#$$#%%$##%%##!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aeris: (shrugs) I took it pretty well...  
  
Cloud: (shudders) But did he have to do an encore?!? Plus, I have a mind like a friggin' steel trap! (makes retching noises)  
  
Aeris: Well....At least you're not Barret, or have to deal with him...  
  
Barret: (walks in the room, sits on the couch and rocks back and forth) R...r..rain...everywhere!!!! Brrrr...s-so cold..  
  
Aeris: (comforts Barret) It's okay, Bear. The music stopped. (rolls eyes)  
  
Barret: (shivering) W-wet, c-c- cold........NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa:(walks into the room, humming "It's Raining Men") Hey Barret! It's a-rainin' men! Amen! Heehee!  
  
Barret: (running outside, his hands in the air) THE CHILDREN, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! (runs down the street screaming)  
  
Sephiroth: Do ya think he needs some Beano?  
  
Aeris: Where'd you come from?  
  
Sephiroth: (scratches head) Um......  
  
Aeris, Cloud, Tifa: GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!!! (Tifa is a beat behind)  
  
Sephiroth: WAHHHHHH!!!! WHOA!!!  
  
Tifa: (hums a catchy love tune) La la la la la! Life is beautiful! Tra la la la la!!! Hmmm...  
  
Aeris:(looks annoyed, considering she's supposed to be the goody two shoes) What's up with her?  
  
Cloud: (winks at Aeris) You make me hot when you're jealous!!  
  
Aeris: (shoves Cloud playfully) Really?  
  
Cloud: (nods) Uh-huh!!!  
  
Aeris: Let's do it!!! ( jumps on Cloud)  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah! ______________________________________________________________ ____________________  
  
(With Sephiroth and Jenova...)  
  
Sephiroth: (sitting on a toy train naked) WAHOO! (jumps off) Heehee(relieves himself on the carpet and screams at the poop) Go, speed racer, go!!!!  
  
Jenova: (walks into the room) Sephy, what're ya doing?  
  
Sephiroth: (jumps in front of the poo) We didn't see nothin'!  
  
Jenova: (gives him 'The Look') Sephy...  
  
Sephiroth: (steps out of the way sullenly) P-p-peanut Butter...*sniff*  
  
Jenova: (picks up the poop and sighs) Sephi Nancy Roth! Remember what happened last time?  
  
Sephiroth: (nods slowly) The diapers flew and the hampsters committed suicide...  
  
Jenova: And when were you intending to clean up that mess? (looks around his messy room)  
  
Sephiroth: Rooster Independence Day...  
  
Jenova: Well, it's time for my scraping anyway.  
  
Sephiroth: But Ma, the cheese stands alone!!!  
  
Jenova: I know, but the crust isn't gonna scrape itself!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Buttons?  
  
______________________________________________________________ _______________  
  
Barret: So, um..R-red. That Reagan sure was something, eh?  
  
Red: Arf ruff arfity bark...  
  
Barret: No you are!  
  
Red: YOU SELF-CENTERED, POLITICALLY OBSESSED OVERGROWN BABY! SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR FRIGGIN' LIFE!  
  
Barret: YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LION'S B*STARD SON!  
  
Cloud: (walks into the room to find the 2 pals ignoring each other) Oh great...  
  
Aeris: (sitting on the couch) I can't take it anymore! She's taking my sparkle!  
  
Tifa: (dances into the room) La la la!!!  
  
Aeris: I'm gonna smoke her marijuana...  
  
Yuffie: (comes into the room civilly) Hey Cloud.  
  
Cloud: Hey, Yuff- What?! AHHHH!!!  
  
Mukki: (walks into the room) Hi guys!!  
  
All(but Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie): (continue fighting)  
  
Mukki: Well, SOME of are a little rude today!! (sits down and paints nails bright pink)  
  
Sephiroth: (bursts through the door) I like cheese! (runs out)  
  
Cloud: (clenches fist) Something has to be done!!! 


	3. See Ya Later, HomeInvader!

When we last left our crazy crew, Mukki had ruined Cloud's life.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cloud: Something has to be done!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the breakfast table...  
  
Yuffie: Don't worry, Cloud. Things like this tend to work themselves out! I mean, Mukki's gonna have to leave sooner or later, right?  
  
Cloud: (tapping his fingers nervously on the table) Yeah, but still, don't you think he has worn out his welcome?  
  
Yuffie: He's only been here for three days!  
  
Cloud: (stands up indignantly) But isn't that enough? Isn't that enough to tear apart friends and lovers? Yuffie, I haven't gotten any for three days! And in societies such as today's, that is way too long! I mean is this not America? Is it not the land of the Playboy Channel? Is it not the home of the horniest men? (puts right hand down his pants) Is it not the land of the free and the home of the brave? (the American flag is dropped down behind him)  
  
Yuffie: Whoa! How did you do that?  
  
Cloud: What?!(turns around to find Mukki pinning American flags to the walls) ARRRGH! (turns to Yuffie) The time has come for me to take a stand! (clenches fist)  
  
Yuffie: (smirks) Ya know, you'd look more intimidating if you were wearing something other than your heart-covered boxers.  
  
Cloud: Oh...(runs out and comes back in wearing a t-shirt and his pants, only to find out his pants had been cut into hot pants and his t-shirt into a belly shirt) Grrrr....Mukki?!  
  
Mukki: (looks up from his work) Yes, hot buns? (pinches Cloud's ass)  
  
Cloud: (getting angrier by the minute) Mukki, I think you've overstayed your visit!  
  
Mukki: Oh, if that's how you feel, I'll leave. (heads toward the door)  
  
Cloud: NO!! Before you leave, I want you to fix everybody and put them back to normal!  
  
Mukki: Alright....  
  
Fifteen Minutes Later....  
  
Mukki: Alright, now, Yuffie, it's your turn!  
  
Yuffie: I'm ready....(steps behind the curtain) MATERIA! I'll never forget you, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: (making out with Aeris) Huh?! Who was that? (shrugs and continues the kissing)  
  
_____________________________________________________________________ 2 minutes later...  
  
Mukki: I'll see you all next time!  
  
Cloud: Heh....sure....(waves and smiles)  
  
Aeris: (while waving and smiling to Mukki as he leaves) He's never gonna come within a 7 mile radius of this house again, will he?  
  
Cloud: (whips out papers) I got the restraining order right here!  
  
Aeris: Oh Cloud! (kisses him deeply) I know a certain someone who's gettin' something special tonight.  
  
Cloud: Rrrrrroww!  
  
________________  
  
Scene switch to Tifa....  
  
Tifa: I'll never forget you, gay guy! *sniffle* We were so good together....(sobs)  
  
Red: (to Barrett) Ruff... Arf.. Bark...?  
  
Barrett: Oh, Red! I'm sorry, too! Let's never fight again!!! (hugs Red)  
  
Red: RUFF!(hugs Barrett)  
  
Barrett: And Red....?  
  
Red: BOW?  
  
Barrett: (tone changes to menacing) If you ever speak again, I'll tan your hide like it's 1999!  
  
Red: (shakily) R-ruff....  
  
_______________ Scene To Yuffie....  
  
Yuffie: (tears running down her face) Ma-materia....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Just after having sex for 12 hours straight...)  
  
Cloud: (beaming) Aeris, what's on your mind?  
  
Aeris: (hair is a mess but is still beaming as well) Oh, I guess I miss Mukki a little...  
  
Cloud: (frowns a little, then beams some more from all the sex) Hmm....  
  
Aeris: (snuggles up to him) Cloud...?  
  
Cloud: Yes, hon?  
  
Aeris: If we ever have a child, could we name it Mukki?  
  
Cloud: (looks at her) Noooot a chance...  
  
Aeris: (shrugs) Just puttin' it out there.  
  
Cloud: Well, you'd better put it right back in.  
  
{that little piece was courtesy of NewsRadio ^_^; Pleease don't sue me!!!!}  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
With Sephiroth....  
  
Jenova: Sephy... It's that time again.....  
  
Sephiroth: To suck on the rooster balls?  
  
Jenova: No, sweety, that's noon...  
  
Sephiroth: (looks down) Oh...  
  
Jenova: It's butt crust time!  
  
Sephiroth: B-but Ma, the piggies already wore diapers.  
  
Jenova: (nods as if she understands, which she doesn't) I know, I know, but it's just gonna keep on gettin' crustier! (sticks her butt out)  
  
Sephiroth: Can I have some butter?  
  
Jenova: Maybe later, dear...  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM The Strifes and the Wallaces, They live together, In their humble home. This is where their annoying neighbor, SEPHIROTH, Comes to roam. When they say,  
  
"GO HOME, SEPHIROTH" Then, he cries, They all hope he runs off a cliff And diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies! YEAH!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
